A hard day

Tonight as I am sitting in my quiet front room...everyone's asleep...I came across this blog that had a super cute tutorial for muscle man shirts.  It was pinned wrong though so I had to scroll through a couple of posts to get to the tutorial...annoying!  As I started looking at this blog I realized the girls dad had passed away at about the same time as my dad...for those of you who may not know, my dad passed away in January of 2011 from Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease.  She writes letters to her dad at different times in her life and there was a particular part in one of the letters that really hit me.  "I'm sorry I haven't written a letter for awhile.  I've wanted to, but there are things that are sometimes just too hard to write about.  Too hard to even think about really.  I have a deeper understanding of why you were taken when you were though.  God knows the plan for lives much more clearly than we do.  I believe that strongly.  Our family needed you fighting for us from the other side.  Someone who cared as deeply for us as you do.  Someone who would never give up on any of us.  Keep fighting, keep pushing, in the long run I'm certain it will pay off.  We'll do the best we can here, and you fight for us all from there.  Heaven knows you're a fighter." 

Even just copying and pasting this is making me cry!  It's really strange how when you have lost a close loved one the grief hits at different times and with different intensities.  Sometimes at church I will just start crying when no one else is being touched and I feel so stupid, but something will remind me of dad or I'll just be thinking about him.  I miss all the things he's missing out on.  I wish he could see my cute kids and love on them and tickle them and wrestle!  Sam loved wrestling grandpa!  I miss him telling me that I didn't have to rely on others for answers, I could find my own and that all I had to do was be willing to pray and ask for help and the answers would come.  I miss him...I miss his laugh and his smell, and I miss his silly sense of humor.  I even miss the funny little wave he did under his chin! 

We are getting ready to have our annual Thomson family camp out, and it has really put me in a reflective mood.  Since most of my siblings are going to be there, I know dad would have wanted to give some kind of counsel.  (He was good at that.) I've been thinking a lot about that lately, and I wonder what he would say to us right now.  After reading the post from the girl who lost her father, I think dad would say, "Hang in there!"  It seems like a lot of us are struggling with different things lately and I know it's to test our faith and our endurance, and I can literally see dad saying to us, "Knock it off!  Just get to work, and hang in there!!!"  I can even see the fiery look in his eye...kind of scary!  I know there are several things I need tweak in my life but it's hard and life's busy...not an excuse to give to dad though...the man knew what it meant to work hard...spiritually and physically.  I'm not in any way pointing fingers, we all have our own situations, I just know dad/grandpa is fighting for us on the other side and we have to do our part if we want to be with him again!   

Missing you today dad.  It doesn't seem to be getting easier with time, it's almost harder. I know, without doubt, that we will have the opportunity to be together again.  I know he did his part and I have to do my part now, but it's hard sometimes and today I feel a little discouraged.  "Tomorrow will be a new day, with no mistakes in it."  Anne of Green Gables.